Struggling

So I'm struggling?
With right and wrong.
With truth.
With whats realistic.
I'm struggling with who I really am.
With who I need to be, and if I'll actually get there.
I'm struggling with this lonely walk.
This never ending trial that we call life so it doesn't sound as hard as it will truly be.
With the temptations that break me down.
With the lies that build me up.
I'm struggling with out you, believe it or not.
With the life I figured I'd be living by now.
I won't tell you what I really want or what I truly fear.
I suppose that's why I'm struggling.

Bryan Scott

I doubt you will ever read this, but that is okay. I want you to know how much I feel for you, how much I need you and how much of my heart is yours. I don't think I could ever go back to a life of just me. Lately we've come to such a rough patch and I'm so sorry, it really does affect me whether I show it or not. I do not want to lose you. You've been here for me since day one and I don't think I could thank you more for all you do. Your such a strong but softhearted boy, and I'm blessed you are mine. In our relationship 95% of the time we argue you are right, I'm not sure why i fight that. I will admit that I'm stubborn and hardheaded but i cannot help it, but i do promise to be better... You saved me from myself two years ago I was so lost, and i know i wouldn't be who I am without you. I know Heavenly Father placed us side by side for a divine purpose. I want to be like you more often than i tell you. I think your a wonderful boy and i thank you for holding me up when i cant hold myself up. I hope that someday i can repay you for all you've done... I know we can make it through this and it's my promise to you that I will do everything I can to make it work I love you Bryan Scott with my whole heart, forever(:

A-Camp/Girls Camp

This girls camp is something that I'm never going to forget all the days of my life, i didn't want to go, in fact i almost did not. Until that small spirit inside of me said "Talia forgive and go", so i did. I packed my bags prayed and i got on that bus little did i know that this one week, this hard testimony building emotional week would change everything... I remember the first night was the hardest i was home sick, wet from the canoes ,and cold the only person that i was super close to that Monday night was Heavenly father or so i thought. We were told to lay there and look and the stars without speaking so Mae, Liesl, Melissa, and I walked over and laid down Mae laid next to me and i was on the end.I remember thinking this is so ridiculous i need to sleep until i saw the heavens above me and remembered all the times i talked on the phone with Bryan looking at the stars saying someday we'd go to the moon. Then the devotional started and she told us to pick a star and pretend it was us, and she told us she knew what it was like to feel so alone in a world so big but if we use the north star (Heavenly father/scriptures) we would find our way home... I started crying it was one of the most touching emotional things i had ever been told and at that moment i had felt alone until Mae grabbed my hand and held it and i remember her saying"Your not alone i love you forever" From that night on Mae has been someone who is my north star... "A" camp was nothing what we had expected it to be, Melissa and i fixed a friendship that we thought was way beyond repair and Liesl and i became eternal friends. I know these three girls are why I was sent to "A" camp. I'll never forget our last night up at "A" camp we had to do a night hike and we were told it was required. I remember every girl crying that night all saying that we couldn't do it because we were to tired and to weak. All of us made it up that hill with our personal golden banner and written on it was a virtue we wanted to work on or strengthen. I remember thinking i couldn't do it and on the way up without thinking i grabbed Melissa's hand and we walked all the way up together and didn't let go. When we made it to the top it was pitch black and we sat there with the sweet spirit so strong, there was a devotional and each girl was told to walk down alone Melissa, Liesl, Mae and I hugged and right before we separated Liesl whispered "Don't forget, WE can do hard things". As i walked down the mountain i saw the virtues glowing ahead of me and i remember the one that really stuck with me was "A daughter of God has faith" I will always remember laying there at night with those three girls and I don't think i will ever forget they way we laughed and cried or the ways we picked each other up and held each other together and the only reason why we did is because "We can do hard things!"

March 21st 2009

On March 21st I was baptized by Bryan after so many trials to get there my day had finally come, and i was so nervous. I knew it was what i had always wanted but to finally have something so beautiful and wonderful at my hands was a whole new world to me. The talks by Shannon and Tiff were so spiritually thought out and planned that i know they not only impacted me but everyone in the room as well. So many people came to support me it was astonishing, there were people that i didn't even know telling me how much they love me. It was a true testimony builder to be sitting in a room with some of the Lords choicest spirits. It's a blessing that i know i will always have with me. I love the feeling of such purity and peace fullness knowing now that I'm on the Lords path. I know this church is what i need to keep me whole and i will never be left alone. I've had a lot of trials since my baptism and at times i feel as if they are impossible to conquer, and as soon as i feel like I'm going to fall for the final time there's always that one person who lifts me up. I'm truly thankful for everyone who helped me to this point and of course for all those who still do push me. I need everyone to know how much i love you and that your knowledge of the Lord and the church is what completes me.

Never done this before...

I've never done one of these before so here it goes(:

I'm Talia Michelle McNees and I'm 18 years young.

I graduated from Westwood High School and I'm going to be attending MCC in the Fall.

This is kinda going to be my journal, cause i need a way to release myself sometimes(: