New year New goals New me :)

SO its been freaking forever since i wrote on my blog and that saddens me. ALot has happened in the last couple months and in all honesty I'm glad to say 2009 is OVER! I'm exited to be able to have this fresh start where i can do anything and accomplish it as well. I want to go back to school so i can eventually open a cake business. I'm going to work full time again and I'm going to start going back to church.I have come to realise the most important things in life are the things that stick around even when you don't. I want to say sorry and i also want to say i love you, I'm sure you know who you are and i think you amazing and i dont want to go another day with out you because your my other half my best friend and my sister:)Anotheroneof my goals is to write on my blog more often and be better at it ;)

This is how it is

I have sadly enough lost Internet connection ;/ i have moved into my first apartment (in the ghetto) i really like my roommate Kara shes a sweetie. A lot has happened since i last posted. I just got back from Indiana 2 hours ago because my Great Grandpa died Halloween night. Going on this trip was hard because i was alone and the last funeral i attended was my mom's. This trip was heartbreaking yes but also a huge testimony builder for me because i know that families can be together forever and that ill be with my mom grandpa and baby TJ again someday if i do what I'm supposed to in this life, its just doing whats right that's the hard part. This past year has been the hardest with losing my mom and Bryan but i have gained a lot to and I'm trying to see it from that point of i have gained a lot view i truly am. I'm going to do everything i can to move on and do whats best for me because I've never done what best for me. I have a few people that i owe it all to and i want you to know that i loved you more than i could ever imagine and i know that we'll be best friends for eternity. Thanks to everyone who's put up with me while Ive been down here at rock bottom and I'm pulling myself up I'm going to be me again guys i promise.

Strength isnt something you have, its something you find.

This last week i went on the Pioneer trek for my stake and i must admit its the hardest thing I've done emotionally physically and spiritually in the longest time. I was tested and trialed a few times and i now see why the Lord does the things he does.I wasn't going to go on this trek for a few reasons I'm sure your all aware,but I'm eternally great full for the pain i felt. I feel stronger and more able to do things I'm supposed to do right now. The women's pull was the hardest thing for me to do especially after i hurt my knee but i know for a fact that i can do hard things. I was proud of myself for doing this by myself i didn't need the emotional support from the person i thought i did. I made it to the top of the hill alone. I love the Lord and the support he gives me even when i fall short or am undeserving. This weekend i became more great full for priesthood blessings and gained a deeper knowledge of the gospel.I love my 3 fountain girls so much they really helped me keep my chin up during this trek.

The Prettiest Mess You've Ever Seen

I did what i thought was "best" and now, i feel my worst. Ill admit i ha vent been Miss sunshiny at all lately but I'm now at my ultimate low. I guess it can only look up from here. I think its the little things ill miss. But i was told this was it, this is what would save me and i REALLLY need to be saved ;( From now on i want to be happy, ill try my hardest.I'm counting on the Lord this time because everything else has failed, and to be honest he's who i should have turned to first. Do not get wrong i have my best friend and couple others but right now i think he's the one who's going to turn this around.

Cali baby (:

So this last weekend i want to Cali with the infamous Walters family (yes i missed conference) and i had a wonderful time. As you all know i had never been there before so i had alot of fun. We went to sea world and the beach and the San Diego temple. It was so-oo beautiful its the only temple I've ever seen besides the mesa one so i was in complete shock and awe.I did alot of thinking on this trip and i don't have everything figured out but i think i know what i want... Ive been thinking about dropping out of school i know it sounds pathetic but I'm not sure i can handle it right now and its college i can always start again whenever i want. Idk though i don't want my dad to think I'm a failure. Other than that i don't have much news in the life of Talia other than i have ALOT of conference to catch up on (: TA TA until next timeee.

Dont you think.

That after all this time i would have things under control? I still kinda feel like my life's a huge wreck! I'm trying to salvage all the good pieces and put them together but the bad pieces are where i seem to get stuck. Its weird to me i feel like I'm on the right path one day and the next I'm completely thrown off. It not my faith that wavering its something in me and i cant grasp what it is quite yet :( I keep trying to figure out what it is that i need to do but I'm not sure i know what it is and when i do know if ill have the strength to be able to ... I really hope all of this will pass sooon because its starting to become almost impossible to deal with. On the bright side I'm going to Cali in a few hours I'm WAAAYY exited to get outta here i need a break from everyoneeee. Hopefully while I'm gone ill get a reality check of some sort? I l ove you all (you know who you are.)

What do I do?

I think my biggest challenge right now is know what im supposed to be doing. What in the world is my purpose. Ive had SO much thrown at me and i'm not sure where to go with this huge pile of things that are possibilites. I dont want to do something and not have it be what im supposed to be doing. I want to be who Heavenly Father wants me to be but im not even sure how to get to that point. I have so much on my plate right now im going to snap eventually. My biggest concern and constant thought is am I supposed to be waiting? I really wish this was just something i could know. Its such a long time to wait to see if it will really happen if its all true or not, and is that worth it?? I guess i just dont know.