Cali baby (:

So this last weekend i want to Cali with the infamous Walters family (yes i missed conference) and i had a wonderful time. As you all know i had never been there before so i had alot of fun. We went to sea world and the beach and the San Diego temple. It was so-oo beautiful its the only temple I've ever seen besides the mesa one so i was in complete shock and awe.I did alot of thinking on this trip and i don't have everything figured out but i think i know what i want... Ive been thinking about dropping out of school i know it sounds pathetic but I'm not sure i can handle it right now and its college i can always start again whenever i want. Idk though i don't want my dad to think I'm a failure. Other than that i don't have much news in the life of Talia other than i have ALOT of conference to catch up on (: TA TA until next timeee.

Dont you think.

That after all this time i would have things under control? I still kinda feel like my life's a huge wreck! I'm trying to salvage all the good pieces and put them together but the bad pieces are where i seem to get stuck. Its weird to me i feel like I'm on the right path one day and the next I'm completely thrown off. It not my faith that wavering its something in me and i cant grasp what it is quite yet :( I keep trying to figure out what it is that i need to do but I'm not sure i know what it is and when i do know if ill have the strength to be able to ... I really hope all of this will pass sooon because its starting to become almost impossible to deal with. On the bright side I'm going to Cali in a few hours I'm WAAAYY exited to get outta here i need a break from everyoneeee. Hopefully while I'm gone ill get a reality check of some sort? I l ove you all (you know who you are.)

What do I do?

I think my biggest challenge right now is know what im supposed to be doing. What in the world is my purpose. Ive had SO much thrown at me and i'm not sure where to go with this huge pile of things that are possibilites. I dont want to do something and not have it be what im supposed to be doing. I want to be who Heavenly Father wants me to be but im not even sure how to get to that point. I have so much on my plate right now im going to snap eventually. My biggest concern and constant thought is am I supposed to be waiting? I really wish this was just something i could know. Its such a long time to wait to see if it will really happen if its all true or not, and is that worth it?? I guess i just dont know.

Run

So i was prompted tonight to run.
I haven't gone in a long time I've been to "busy"
So i put on my running shoes grabbed my ipod and hit the pavement.
It hurt really bad at first my chest was hurting and i had been crying so my head hurt but i kept going.
Then after a few minutes with every step i felt a little better, just a little.
I kept thinking to myself " If i can make it just a little further" and before i knew it i was far away from what really hurt.
My legs hurt now and my feet are a little sore but, my heart hurts a little less.
This is the first time I've been proud of myself in a while.

So another week has come and gone. This one once again took the best of me but this time i was truly affected and i decided i no longer will allow myself to fall apart when you walk away... I love you still, with everything in me. I want to spend forever with you but in this time that we're apart whether its permanent or not i NEEED to take care of myself and reach the goals that i have set, i need to go to the temple and do work for my family i need to pass school an find the old me that i no longer am. I will never be fully healed and that's ok, because i have all those perfect memories. After all, you made me grow you completed me in ways no one will ever understand or be able to experience... I love you with a love that not many get to feel. I hope you find what your looking for and don't forget me while you do it, I'll be waiting but not forever.

Its been a while since Ive wrote anything in my blog. I have started college full time and i must say its a love hate relationship. I'm working full time again as well as school so i have been so ridiculously busy... I haven't really had much time for anyone or anything lately its kinda upsetting!! I think that by Halloween i should be in my own apartment! If everything works out the way it should i willl be (: I finally got my car as well its a cute purple thing that has a few problems but it gets me where i wanna go. I realised today how much i miss being little, i miss being carefree and just going day to day without a single thing to worry about. I wish that i could go back to that sometimes, i suppose you could say I'm homesick. Well i will write more laterr. Homework time :/

Lifes been a blur.

I haven't posted anything in a while because i have not known what to say, life's taken a turn on me lately and it has taken the best of me. I'm sorry if i have offended or hurt anyone in the last month or so. Sometimes i get so wrapped up in the bad i forget to see the light and i know that's one of my main flaws... I'm so thankful for my girls who hold me up when i cant do it for myself. Mae, i love you till the end of eternity, thank you for letting me cry and talking to me all night because the pain keeps me awake you'll always have the biggest part of my heart. You make me realize my life's worth living. I wish i could be as strong as you, i wish i could see the things you do and i know that's why Heavenly Father placed me with you. Emily, i don't even know how to describe to you how amazing i find you, i must say you found me at my lowest point and you never seem to care and I'm so thankful for that I'm not sure how I'll ever repay you. Your one of the sweetest girls I've ever met and i pray you wont ever change, i love you. I'm thank full for all the young women in our ward and I'm truly heartbroken to be going to relief society i have the biggest testimony of you girls and I'm not sure what its going to be like not being with you all the time. You all have the light in Christ in you and it makes me feel so loved to walk in a room and everyone drops what their doing to hug me. I know you girls will have trials and afflictions in life but i promise you that if you pray to Heavenly father, read your scriptures, and keep your faith strong you will make it. You girls keep me going strong and I'm not sure id have the testimony i do without you. I'm starting school soon (the 24th) and I'm a little nervous and I'm not sure how I'll do but we will see i suppose.I have finally started working and i truly love my job i love working with these beautiful children. Bryan, what we are doing is one of the hardest things in the world for me but i think that in the end it will strengthen us and we will have an even better relationship than we do now it just so hard to not feel scared or have struggles with it. I don't want you to ever forget the love i have for you and i pray for you to know that i always will, don't give up i wish i could be like you, your not scared of anything at all. I wish you could see the amazing boy i get to see everyday, i wish i could be as good to you as you are to me. I know my love is true because when I'm without you its hard to breath. Dad, I'm not really sure what happened to us but it breaks my heart whether i tell you or not i miss you so much and for the first time in my life I'm homesick. I just want you to understand me, i want you to be proud and its hard when you dislike so many of my beliefs, I get on my knees and pray for you every night of my life, and i love you for how much you strive to have a wonderful life. Your the best dad and i know your intentions are for the best. Well i guess thats all till next time(: